there’s a lump in my throat where a laugh used to be
did the good times get away, or is that just me?
there is ache where distant smiles war again to be recalled
are those dear memories real or have I forgotten them all?
ease of step and stride no longer accompany my gait
or is there a plan in place, or just some cruel fate?
up-turns always close to the corners of my mouth aren’t there
have those pleasantries vanished into the cold winter air?
free flowing thought seems hemmed in by barriers I cannot see
where is the joy that often wandered about, boundless and free?
the frame from where I peer closes in like dark of impending night
dare I ask my role in the stifling of that darling light?
Maybe it was the rain. Maybe it was the grey.
Or maybe it was just that kind of day.
Uneasy followed me closer than my own shadow.
I tried forcing a smile while thinking on tomorrow.
In the quieter times of evening I longed to get away.
Searching, I found a familiar place where I often stay.
I retreated to the sounds inside my old headphones.
Tears dotted my cheeks like the trace of skipping stones.
A recurring thought played in my mind, only every goodbye.
I was going through all of them, while wondering why.
For as long as I can recall I avoided and disliked the ends.
Times when moments ceased, seasons finished, or farewell to friends.
The last day of school was a battle I lost in the silence of night.
I would think on my mates and the times that would never again be this right.
Summer camp somewhere in Maine would wind down, and in my bunk
I would lay awake hoping it wouldn’t end, but my heart was nearly sunk.
The right movie, at the right time, and I would hope the reel kept rolling.
Slouched in a seat, the shadows hiding the lump in my throat, self-consoling.
Feeling all grown up, expected to leave, but knowing I wanted to stay.
I left my home, dreading the thought it would never be, again this way.
Please time, please stand still, there’s more in this moment that I need.
When it’s gone it all has changed, for better or worse, but gone indeed.
Thoughts often drift back to, my kids, and time we thought would always last.
It seems like I turned around to check on life, and it was gone so fast.
Maybe selfish, and slightly insecure, I listen to the songs and let the tears out.
Just then the calm and peace my Lord bestows on me is what it’s all about.
Before I let this moment pass and move on to the now awaiting me.
I listen to these songs, cry some more, and remember where I need to be.
Now we all have songs tucked away that unleash emotion that wasn’t here.
Then the note plays, and the lyrics go right through us like a harmless spear.
For me, it’s like this, I want to make sure I get it all before it disappears.
That’s why I can’t get through it dry-eyed, when I play The Living Years.
Pain beckons, and my heart pounds a bit faster, when all was just fine,
When I stop and listen to, then focus on, the lyrics in the song, Time.
It was myself I didn’t know, not you, I hurt too many in years gone by.
Thoughts, thick with remorse, run through my head during Jealous Guy.
This one sums it up pretty well, it’s a song with a meaning unmistakable.
Tears still roll whenever I hear Harry Chapin’s, Cats in the Cradle.
Warmth swells and I’m taken back to dear relationships ended too soon.
That’s where I go even now, when I drift away with Desert Moon.
The fun is all gone, love is done, new friends leave, summer had to fly.
A pang of emotion always accompanies the appropriately titled Goodbye.
Honestly, this song plays in my head any time I’m away from my love.
I lie in bed somewhere and close my eyes only thinking on my bride so true.
Like an angel hand-picked just for me, sent from heaven above,
Amaris I long to be next to you, where ever I may be, I am Here Without You.