Someday, From This Debt, I Hope I’m Never Free

Are you a parent? Did you have parents? Did someone ever give of themselves toward your betterment in such a way as to change your life? Do you owe anyone for the piece of them they gave, just for you? Have you even thought about this? Should you do something about it? Do you need a push in the right direction?

Well this is what I have come up with, so far.

As time rolls on, the memories start to fade, with their edges frayed, the vibrant colors wash out some, and the family unit bends but doesn’t break. Time removes me from the places where we once went about our daily life knowing only what was there, sheltered in our little world. Distance puts time in between us, even if we want otherwise. What was once just down the hall, now requires a plan, accounting for all. The sweet, trusted security only separated by a flight of stairs, is somewhere in the past, or at least not so easily found, or fast. The supported now strain to support, and one longs for it all, again to be the other way around. Examples ran across our view whether we watched or not, and it seems so many times now, the lesson I forgot. I recall the good, and the things I suppose I want to see, and how much love did it take for it, that way, to be. Then the age added up but the character never changed, just the love and lessons somehow rearranged. No one kept track, as it should be, but from this debt, I hope I never feel free.

We live. Hopefully we love. We wander but never lose center. We look back, I hope, more than we look down. We look ahead, I hope, never disconnected from the past. We help, I hope, remembering from where we came. We make time, I hope, because minutes are fleeting. We linger, I hope, how much has been vested in us. We leave, better than we found, I hope, for that’s how we were taught.

I think on this matter a lot. I wonder at times how much is left in the well. When I take stock I am always astounded at how much more there is to give. It is then that I know how it once felt for those who have come before me. Then if there’s a push I need, a shove I crave; I play this song (Kayla Reeves, TSO) and listen to the emotion that is impossible to keep from spilling over all within earshot. I stir in the message shared amid the words that roll into my own personal movie playing just behind the portals I use to see. And I am reminded that, from this debt, I hope never to be free.

SOMEDAY

He won the war, in a foreign land
That was no hero, that was my old man
And he came back home, where he met his wife
And he raised his kids, while he made a life
Now he never preached, though he always knew
And we watched him close, just to pick up clues
And sometimes late, in the dead of night
I can see him there, in the pale moon light
I am trying
And I don’t know how
And I don’t know when
But I’ll have to tell him someday

And as for this woman, my father wed
We knew we were loved, with the words unsaid
And when we were young she taught us all to read
And then one by one, she would watch us leave
Never saw her cry, for she hid her tears
As one by one, we would disappear
But of course we’d write, and of course we’d call
Just to hear her voice, whenever we would fall

I am trying
And I don’t know how
And I don’t know when
But I’ll have to tell her someday

So I wrote these words, and I hope they last
For the years have come, and the years have passed
Think of all they gave, think of all the debt
But can’t find a way, to repay them yet
For the days still come, and the debt still mount
And do words unsaid, ever really count
But sometimes still, in the dead of night
I can see them there, in the pale moon light

I am trying
And I don’t know how
And I don’t know when
But I’ll have to tell them someday

Kayla Reeves with Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Boston 2015

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Remembering Veteran’s Day

This morning is Veteran’s Day. In Canada it’s Remembrance Day. In my home we are honoring, remembering, respecting, and we are thankful for our Veteran’s, past, present, and future.

I am home with my three youngest children this morning and I want them to know what this means, and why we remember. A few minutes ago, my son came into the office and asked if I had just heard Theodore yelling. I said I had. He asked me if I knew why he was yelling so loud. I did not. He shared with me that the Star Spangled Banner had come on the TV in the family room, and that Theodore, on his own, sang “…of the brave” as loud as he could to end the Anthem.

A minute later Theodore pulled up a rocking chair beside me, and in the presence of his older brother, twin sister and I; he demanded silence as he attempted to sing the National Anthem on his own. It was adorable as he repeated a few lines here and there that were combined with other lines, but he gave it his best shot. He also knew that all should be quiet while he sang the song.

Then I played Madison Rising’s version of the Star Spangled Banner (which we all love). We played it a few times. Jacqueline held a little rhythm and pretended to sing the words, and we all enjoyed it, together.

But, more importantly, we recognize that among the reasons we have a morning like this to enjoy at all, is because the greatest forces of men and women in the history of mankind have defended our freedoms and beliefs. They were the best, they are the best, they will be the best. Most of us truly don’t have a clue as to what these brave men and women have endured, braved, and walked towards even when every fiber of their being would tell them to run the other way. For them, for all of them, I, we, are thankful. I wouldn’t even want to imagine it another way.

Our military, our armed forces, these fellow countrymen and women continue to do what is asked of them, day after day. Right, wrong, agreed, or disagreed, they go. They take each and every day seriously, and assume nothing. They go. They train. They are there. There are here, now. They are the best, and they still walk in harm’s way everyday. This day is not just about a time long ago, it’s about all times. It’s about times we haven’t yet experienced. It’s about times we are fortunate enough to not have experienced. Today is as important now as it would have been at any other time, or at any other time to come. A friend of mine who is very close to our military, recently made a comment to me after attending three military funerals in one day, to the effect of, wishing people understood how much warring is still going on. I don’t know which affected me more, the commentary itself, or the fact that this person (and so many others) deals with this kind of thing more often than a lot of us stop to even think about our men and women serving.

It’s Veteran’s Day. It’s Remembrance Day. Please take this time seriously. Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Either way, always remember. Always respect. Always be thankful. We have so much to be thankful for.

I have included below, a poem that came to me two years ago. I know it’s not the best verse ever, but it’s tied to strong emotions. I really did wake up in the middle of the night with most of the words to this little poem. Obviously, these thoughts are never far from my mind. It’s not the first time I awoke in thought on these matters, nor has it been the last.

REMEMBER
Remember more often, remember with others aloud

Remember more than today, remember they should feel proud

 

Remember to thank them, remember that is for always

Remember to be respectful, remember not just holidays

 

Remember we have no idea, remember they have been there

Remember our freedoms; remember they walked where most don’t dare

 

Remember that there are triggers, remember they relive then

Remember we have a place, remember we can love, we’ve never been

 

Remember heroes, do remember; remember time spent is a prize

Remember we can help them; remember to look into their eyes

 

Remember they didn’t always know why, remember they went on call

Remember some disagreed; remember them, not one, but all

 

Remember how we live today; remember it could have been a different way

Remember our men and women, remember them, embrace them today

 

Remember that memories don’t end; remember we must pass this on

Remember those serving today; remember all, not just those who are gone

 

Remember every day, remember, certainly, on this Veteran’s Day

Remember our place; remember we’re thankful supporters in every way