Tag Archives: family first

It Was Me, I Lost God

Have you ever found yourself looking around in the darkness of your somehow closed mind, and wondered how in the world you arrived at this place? If you were to trace your steps, reflecting on every detail that you pondered in the making of choices you made, did you find that first wrong turn? No? Then you’re not being completely honest with yourself. Own up; look in the mirror; search your soul, and tell yourself the truth, even if it hurts. Do not justify the unjustifiable (“not able to be shown to be right or reasonable”). Wrong is wrong, deal with it. Take your time, as nothing in the rest of your life might be so important as it is to get this right. Seriously.

…How I ever held myself together through this time was a feat in itself. And I know it was God that pushed me, it was God that helped me keep it together, for it was God’s truths I was at war with. My character, my upbringing, the things I knew in my gut were right, the countless places I could have corrected my direction, these were the things I fought during this time. As if I were lost in the deepest, darkest forest while knowing a couple of difficult, pride relinquishing steps were all it would take to get back on track, and instead I talk myself into believing this isn’t so bad. I mean how lost can one get anyways? You have to get pretty lost to lose God. Thankfully the little voice in my conscience that represented God never went completely away. I tried to silence the voice over years of time, but fortunately God’s plan was more powerful than anything I could muster…

The rest of the story.

Once in a lifetime

Sometimes a moment or even an opportunity comes along that almost seems too good to be true. And sometimes, it is true. And then still other times, it’s true, and better than good. Thank God that reality doesn’t get hemmed in by the parameters of my small mind.

Not too long ago, I had a once in a lifetime moment that lasted nearly one full week. All I can say is that I’m thankful for those I shared it with. I’m thankful that God gave me the wherewithal to sit quietly (some of the time) and enjoy each minute for all it meant to those around me, and even then I probably missed too much. I’m eternally grateful for my brother’s generosity as I could never repay the cost of bringing the moment to reality for so many of us. So much further than that, I could not begin to put a price on the memories shared daily with me. Nor could I replace with anywhere near the value, that which I still hear two months later, in commentary oozing with excitement and pure joy almost every day.

No matter how, no matter where, no matter when, no matter who, no matter what, that once in a lifetime moment will always stand alone. I hope I never forget it. Those of us fortunate enough to be there and experience it together will never let us forget it. I know I’ve said thank you, sincerely, many times over, but somehow it still feels like that is not enough. So, this humble attempt to put into words, my thanks, and the depth of experience our once in a lifetime moment together means to me, might fall short too. It’s been on my mind since before we ever gathered for the moment we all shared together and I imagine it will stay with me for quite some time.

Again, I say thank you. There will be moments described as “once in a lifetime” in the future and they’ll be accurately described. But this one will always be it’s own. It’ll grow in time, and lore will only reinforce the true joy we experienced once in a lifetime, together.