Tag Archives: eternal life

Lights

The Northern Lights forecast that I check periodically.

Late on the evening of March 29, 2017, somewhere around 11:00 pm, I was compelled to check a website that I check off and on, throughout the year. I am not sure why I was prompted to check this site on that night but I did. Continue reading

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The Railing

16 weeks have passed.

The days come, and they go.

The hours are filled with the monotony of routine, and the tasks that seem to work their way into every open time slot.

There is so much activity that requires nearly no thought. Then, there’s the stuff that gets done while going through the motions. Maybe while thinking about what’s next on the list.

But then, in the midst of the mundane, you step up from the brick walkway, onto the steps leading to the door you’ve passed through thousands of times before. And right then, right there, as you reach for the railing that hasn’t been there all that long, symmetry, it all comes together. Like an invisible wall slammed right in front of you, you stop in your tracks.

See, it’s been 16 weeks. Dad went home to be with the Lord. Before he went he slowly lost abilities that we take for granted while running around with our heads cut off. The railing was added so Dad could better help himself up and down the steps leading to and from the entry way. He would reach for the railing to steady himself. He needed it. He counted on it. He was happy to reach it at the end of the walkway. It was a help to him. Yet, it wasn’t there for very long.

Collage on the fridge at home. (C) 1inawesomewonder.

 Photo of the collage on the fridge at home. (C) 1inawesomewonder. (Photo edited in Sketch mode on my phone)

Now, Dad is gone. The railing it still does its’ job, and I reached for it just today. But I would rather have reached for Dad. Reached for his arm, to steady him. To let him know that he was alright.

I walked those steps with Dad many times. I held his arm steady many more times. I prepped the railing to better deflect the sun’s heat as to keep it comfortable to the touch. Today, I reached for that railing, and everything stopped. I was snapped out of the whirlwind of chaotic life, and directly into a trance. I froze, looking at this railing on the side of the house. My eyes teared up thinking that Dad would never again walk these steps. The railing will help others, but Dad won’t rely on it again.

I stood there thinking about my Dad. Dad’s birthday was last week. He would have been 75. 75, that’s it. God knew it was time to bring him home. I can’t argue with that. I just get to stand alone, frozen in emotion, holding on to a railing that represents so much more to me.

Hardest One To Lose

I don't know which is the harder one to lose; 
the one you love, or the one who dearly loved you.
~ Steve Beal Sr. 2016.
Dad and I

Dad and I. (C) 1inawesomewonder

 

Father’s Day Gleam

Tomorrow is Father’s Day and I wanted to get this off of my mind before the actual day. Over the last couple of weeks this thought has been creeping into my psyche a little more often every day. Until these last few days, when it has downright bugged me, bothered me, and otherwise haunted me. I asked my wife yesterday, “What am I supposed to do on Father’s Day, with no father, for the first time in my life?”

I suppose I still don’t know the answer. But I know that I miss my Dad an awful lot.

Fathers Day 2014 Continue reading

Missing Dad

I’m here in the yard, at the house I grew up in. I mowed the lawn as I usually do. But I’m missing my Dad. He’d be sitting right here, outside in the warm air. We’d be talking about this, or that, or even silently enjoying that which God created. Sharing a mutual respect for the simple things that make life grand. Seven weeks ago today, God took him home. I’m home, and I miss him.

I mowed the lawn with MapMyWalk! Distance: 1.93mi, time: 01:07:17, pace: 34:52min/mi, speed: 1.72mi/h.
http://mapmywalk.com/workout/1509954698

A Dad and This Boy

I thought that I was doing pretty well, then came along, this day

Two weeks ago today, Dad you were called home, out of the fray

 

Dad, I sat down at my laptop to start writing these thoughts I kept

An alert blinked, so I clicked, a picture of us opened up, I wept

 

I have said, I was blessed to do what God has allowed me time to do

I wasn’t done Dad, why did you have to leave now, I trust God knew

 

I always acted in love, knowing that one distant day you’d be gone

Leaving a hole here in my world, rhythm broken, no tasks to be done

 

You would just get better, together we would move on, more time to share

Then one April morning I rushed, to be with you, but you weren’t there

 

When do we get to share a coffee and relive the moments we love?

Now I sit here by myself, mulling over this and that, I look above

 

What about the road trips we talked of Dad, where would we go?

I drive for hours, all over the place, and creation, let me know

 

Dad, who is going to tell me stop, or to turn, on our way to Canada?

Dad, I’d stop every time you needed, regardless of my own stamina

 

Dad, can we gather round the table one more time and just let loose?

Oh, we’d laugh til tears, you, my siblings, Mom, this boy you called moose

 

I look at the hoop and wonder if I’ll ever see that arch ever again

Dad, you were one the best lefty shooters there has ever been

 

You weren’t well, but I never thought this day would come so soon

Dimly, I thought that maybe when the day came, I’d be somehow immune

 

Dad, I am not immune, I can barely get through a day, maybe even two

I can’t imagine the despair of those who don’t know the Truth you knew

 

I wouldn’t make it were it not for the message, the way to heaven’s door

As a child, I’d lay in bed and pray that prayer every night just to be sure

 

It was you Dad, you shared the gospel and led me to the foot of the cross

It was you Dad, you put it out there, heaven bound, no longer lost

 

And, Dad, one day it will be our great day of celebration and joy

When, we all get together in heaven, it’ll always be a dad and this boy

 

How we will laugh, and in perfect health, we will walk the streets of gold

Dad, we will all see you again, in the land where we will never grow old

 

screenshot_2016-04-15-12-53-20-1.png

This is the picture that popped up on my laptop today.

The Man is Gone

This morning is a little more quiet than mornings have been recently. See, the crowds are gone. The stash of food prepared for family and visitors has been split and donated. The checklist doesn’t have any more boxes to check. There’s no nursing home to visit. The hospital room is empty. The seat at the end of the couch is carefully prepped, but shadows only find refuge there this morning. The Daily Light is worn, but sees no more left-handed cursive in ink. The chair, walker, and cane wait, but Dad needs them no more. The world is maybe in a sadder state, as a soft smile went away.

Oh it pains me to know that all the efforts made will now only know past tense. The sacrifices so many people made, and that they would do anything to help my Dad, and my Mom; still the willingness is there, but the man is gone.

The man is gone. Oh, but his spirit lives on. I need to look no farther than the small gathering at Mom and Dad’s after all of the formalities were completed yesterday. All three of my Beal cousins, a new friend, Dad’s brother and his wife, Mom, two siblings of mine, and one of my brothers-in-law, sat for a few hours together, doing what Dad did best. We laughed, oh my, did we laugh. The scene in the living room yesterday could have been from any one of the last 40+ years; From any Beal get together in my lifetime. Oh, and Dad, he would have been right in the middle of it all, loving it, and laughing. Dad’s presence was felt, his impact impossible to miss. I don’t think he was looking down from heaven at us, because I am hoping he had better things to do, like lose himself in his mother’s waiting arms, or to look his Dad in the eye and hear the words, “Well done son”. Maybe he was off creating comedy from nothing with his twin sister June. Perhaps he was walking the streets of gold and getting to know his brother Roger, who passed away as a baby, before any of the other siblings. Or just maybe he was sitting on a hill somewhere, soaking in the beauty of perfection while trying to contain the excitement that one day, we too, will know. Were Dad still bound by the weight of this imperfect, cursed, earth, he would have been centered perfectly in his comfort zone, among us.

During the proceedings yesterday, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much Dad would have loved to be there and see everyone. To me, there was just one person missing, because Dad wasn’t there. I know we were all there to honor, remember, and celebrate my Dad. There was a body in the casket, but Dad, he wasn’t there. Pastor Little, who delivered the message, said it best when we told us all that Dad had preached his own funeral with the life he lived, and his walk with God. Pastor was right. Not only that, but on Thursday morning, when Dad’s hands were held by the earthly love of his life, he breathed his last breath, and didn’t miss a step in his walk with God.

I don’t honestly know how most funerals go. I don’t know how most people view funerals, or even how they think of them when the word ‘funeral’ is mentioned. I would guess, that many, if not most, funerals are flavoured with despair and uncertainty. Oh, if I could get everyone to a funeral like the one we had for my Dad yesterday. I would refer people also, to the funeral that I attended when I was a 17-year-old know it all, when my Mom’s mother passed away. Oh what a celebration! In both instances, there was no despair. There was no uncertainty. Oh the freedom found in salvation. There was joy. There was a bounty of thankful hearts. Thankful for no more suffering. Thankful for the memories made together. Thankful for the impact our loved one had left on our lives. Thankful for the promise God made. Thankful for the example we got to see everyday. Thankful for the stand taken when many of us would have wavered. Thankful that we are better people for having walked closely with one who passed.

Before I get to the speech I read at Dad’s funeral yesterday, I dare walk closely again. Dad, I love you. Dad, I will, and already do miss you. Dad, I will miss the trips to Dunkin Donuts. Dad, I will miss the stories shared. Dad, I was always listening. Dad, your smile will never be forgotten. Dad, your humor is engrained in all of us, thank you. Dad, a long, high-arching, jump shot will always be in my mind’s eye when I think of you. Dad, most of my driving derring do I learned from you. Dad, I also paid attention and learned how to excel at driving from you. Dad, I will miss the trips with you and Mom to New Brunswick, but I will take it from here, you taught me well. Dad, I thank you for creating a seamless family with the Beal-Peterson connection, for I fear there are few family bonds like this left in the world today. Dad, I know your heart and soul were ever-present even when the body started to fail. Dad, thank you for the lessons in love. Dad, thank you for wavering not in your walk with God. Dad, thank you for doing life your way, unique to you. Dad, I am glad you broke so many molds along your way, so much would have been missed in containment. Dad, thanks for the glimpses into your free spirit, rarely are people fortunate enough to be touched by someone’s unencumbered lust for life and the joys found in the details. Dad, thank you for being my Dad. Dad, I am thankful that God chose us to be a father-son combination. Dad, thank you for choosing Mom. Dad, what if I forget how to walk like you? Dad, thank you for growing old without ever growing up. Dad, I can’t wait to see you again, and to look into those pure blue eyes, and smile together like giddy children so happy to see each other. Dad, thank you for everything.



 

This is exactly the speech I struggled through yesterday at my Dad’s funeral. Thank you to my brother for editing it down from the full story, found here (please have a read of the whole thing if you’d like).

Dad – Funeral

My Dad, John R. Beal, passed away Thursday  morning, April 14, 2016. I can honestly say that my initial thoughts and feelings of pain and finality, were followed quickly by the sense of relief that my Dad suffered here no more. Although the former thoughts and feelings will stay close to me for some time, I know complete peace as Dad made his way to his eternal home Thursday around 8am.

Just the Thursday before I sat with him in the nursing home, he in his wheelchair, me in a vinyl, beastly looking contraption that looked and felt like it could withstand the World Wars. We sat facing each other, next to his bed. He didn’t say very much that day, as had become more and more the norm these last few months. But I noticed that his face and his eyes looked more alive than I had seen in months. I took joy in that smile whether it’s effect reached the rest of his face or not, because the eyes gave it away. We sat, just he and I, for 90 minutes, listening to an Old School Country Music playlist. I knew he thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent, as did I. I was happy to see Dad, happy.

That visit with Dad in the nursing home was the last time I would see my Dad alive. Really alive. I was with him most of the day, in the hospital on Wednesday the 13th, but he wasn’t really alive. He had vital signs and they were good. But he was completely unresponsive and never opened his eyes. Our family was there all day, and Mom spent the night in a chair (similar to the one I described in the nursing home) next to Dad.

Dad was born in 1941. If he had been born during the last two decades it’s likely he would have been tagged, or somehow otherwise labeled, as having a learning disorder or disability. But, as God and His perfect timeline would have it, Dad was born before everything needed labels and corresponding medication. I am certain he suffered in some ways from the forcible learning/teaching habits taught from some book, that until recently, nobody thought to re-write, that incorporated the will to push all pegs, even in their asymmetrical diversity, through the same hole. Dad was different for sure. Thank God. These battles, many of which, maybe not another soul knows of, but I am certain they happened; Turned into a drive and determination that Dad displayed in areas where most of us wouldn’t apply. His resiliency was more between his ears, than anywhere, because that’s where the battles were fought, and where the weakness resided. I am saying that his methods, comprehension, and responses were questioned as a matter of the brain he was wired with. He was sound. He just had limitations in the physical aspects of his brain. God created him that way, and for 74+ years he worked with the equipment he had. He did what he had to, and he got by. Nowadays maybe he would have been labeled, separated, and led away from the pack, stunting growth, killing creativity, and who knows how that would have gone.

God knew what He was doing though. Dad was one of the best preachers I ever heard. Dad could mix humor into any sermon, illustration, or story without ever being silly. Greater still, you knew exactly what he meant, and his relatability was second to none. God gave him words, thought patterns, and a perspective to pull things together in a light that changed lives, touched hearts, and led to the eternal saving of souls. Honestly, what greater purpose could a man be called to? That was my Dad and he was great at it.

I just lost my Dad, and maybe I am gushing a bit, but he wasn’t any more perfect than any of us are. But I choose to hold him in regard to the greatest attributes of his life. Once I got a little bit older, he wasn’t terribly hands-on as a father. He loved and he led, but he did so at arm’s length. He was proud of us, and he loved nothing more than to watch his kids compete or perform. He taught us right from wrong. He did play with us, he was there. I don’t have a list of things he taught me or things he always said. See when you have every dinner together and spend so much time together as a family, all six of us, in those moments there are countless lessons, examples, and quotable spoken contribution. It was on us to pay attention, and we did. He didn’t come out and say this is how to be a man, this is how to do this or that, but his commitment to the Word of God, the teachings found therein, and the scriptures was a lesson anyone could benefit from. He was a family man. We were a family that was together a lot. We gathered on holidays with extended family, and Dad would have it no other way. The greatest gift he left me was the way to heaven. There is but one way. Jesus said,”…I am the way, the truth, and the life…”.

Being a son of Tom Brokaw’s self-proclaimed “Greatest Generation”, he has set a pretty high bar for the rest of us.

See, me, and my generation, we hope to be measured one day in the same breath as the great people of the generation before us. In that generation the simplicity of life lived was the stunning portrayal choreographed by the depth found in the intricacies of magnificent minds with the perceived time to approach extraordinary. I am just a man, my Dad was a great man, a great man of God. His new place in heaven ensures what should always be, that I’ll look up to him. I do, and I will.

Dad didn’t want to leave this world but he did want to go home. We found out after the fact that he had shared with nursing home personnel on Tuesday that “he was ready to go home.” To his heavenly home. You know it’s kind of interesting to think about the state of the world we live in today, is the same world we cling to at the end. In our infinite mortality, we fight to stay here just a little longer, as those gathered long for the suffering not to leave this place. Two points that I choose to notice, one, that it’s the people not the place, we long to stay with; two, our heavenly home that awaits is so much better than anything we can comprehend here.

For the last five years or so, I have spent a lot more time with my Dad than I had previously as an adult. I heard a lot of stories over and over, and other simple things that are neither here nor there. But really, I learned a lot about Dad, and gained another level of respect for him, especially as a man of God. One thing that was always very present with Dad, and that I have seen present in many others over the years, were his smiling eyes. Or as I might dare say, a saved person’s eyes, or Christian eyes. In those eyes, the whites are white, and the light shines a little more bright. These windows to the soul are clear, and they sparkle, for in the depths of those saved souls, fear does not dwell. Even through these difficult months, Dad’s eyes rarely dimmed. And in those eyes, I saw so much love.

In the end of Dad’s time here on earth he suffered. He fended off so many attacks on his brain over the last 11 years. Much to all of our dismay, and opposite of our best wishes and prayers, Dad never regained the elevation in steps that he had previously climbed to once a medical event had happened. He got close. He often times maintained, which is still susceptible to the aging process we all face. Though he battled, he never could advance against the damage done to his command center. He lived on. He loved on. He smiled often. He welcomed all whether we knew it or not. In his fashion simple things continued to be his most revered things in life. Right up to the hands that held his while he grabbed at his last breath.

Although you folks hearing this, may have known him as John, Pastor Beal, Uncle John, brother, brother-in-law, Reverend John Beal, or Mr. Beal; I am happy to have always known him as Dad. While we are here today to remember and honor, I am happy to report: Dad is home. Dad is happy. Dad is healthy. Dad is at perfect peace.