Some days go by and my thoughts race and erase with the pace of fleeting time. Then there are days like today when I see things that are no longer in front of my eyes. While outside earlier, with temps at, or below freezing, I was taken by the sky. With nothing particular in mind, the deep, perfect blue was replaced by the sight of my Dad’s smiling face. I looked around, up and down, only to raise my head again, and see Dad smiling over me, and this place. Words came to mind, and they were written in my mind as I stood in the sun and the cold. Memories swirled faster than I could track, and I wanted again to hear every story he ever told. But I have always noticed, there were differences, and applied distances between he and I. He was a dreamer at heart with a sense of responsibility that he learned at home. And I always wondered who he wanted to be, were it not for behavior learned. Today it hit me harder than it has in a while, I miss him and his loving smile. I thought he’d always wanted to be a cowboy but never dared to go that far. I remember he always sat where he could see the door. Something he picked up from westerns and reading books by Louis L’Amour. He talked of western scenes and the men, that landscape they patrolled. But his wild west, for many years, was the showdown of standing alone, preaching the Word, the message, he controlled. Dad wasn’t any more perfect than any of the rest, but he was a God-fearing man who taught us the way. Like I said, sometimes words come streaming like video to me, and I was really missing my Dad today.
So, when I was real young, Dad would tuck us in at night. He would pray with us and tell us stories. Looking back as a father myself, I can relate to the joy he must have felt, seeing his young kids peacefully sleep. There are few things in my lifetime that have warmed me as much as that nighttime interaction with the loves of my life, my kids. All grown, and still afraid at times that I’d never admit, I wished I was a boy again, and the only thing on my plate was to be tucked in, and sleep, surrounded in a home filled with love. And today, these words from this old song came in the form of a few re-worked words. The tune in my mind, for these words, is the version performed by Warren Haynes (Live). Oh, if only I could sing.
To lay me down
Once more
to lay me down
With my mind in awesome wonder
Let the world go by
our talk still dreaming
To lay me down
One last time
To lay me down
To be with you
Once more
to be with you
Like two buddies close together
Let the world go by
Like clouds a-streaming
to be with you
one last time
to be with you
To smile with you
Once more
to smile with you
With our dreams entwined together
let the world go by
Our talk beats sleeping
To smile with you
one last time
to smile with you
to lay me down
Oh, to lay me down
to lay me down
one last time
say goodnight
one last time
to see those eyes
one last time
to lay me down
to lay me down
1inawesomewonder 