There Is Love In Those Eyes

In short, my Dad is in a nursing home. There’s a litany of health reasons why he is where he is. I share this because it has been tearing me up. Tears stream down my face night after night. Why? Because it’s my Dad. It’s him sitting there. It’s the guy I couldn’t stand to be away from as a boy. Maybe I could walk, but still he’d carry me, because I was his boy, and there was love that parents know. He was the face I waited to see at the end of the day. The one who spoke and I listened like all other voices were a mere suggestion of sound. The punchline to the jokes that we still tell. The laughter to the soundtrack of life that we all live. It is him, and he sits there. He knows I am there. I know it even if it’s not always so apparent. We visit if you call it that. I come and I go. He stays there. He cries when I leave. I cry after I leave. And in an emotional outburst I am currently trying unsuccessfully to self-contain, I write.

 

There’s a hole in the floor, where he sits to stare

Something tells me though, there’s nothing there

 

His eyes come up to see the source of sound

They tell me he soars from this chair he’s bound

 

Windows show me their words but lips are still

The empty space in this room silence still does fill

 

All is calm but the hands holding on to His last words

Pages shake, memory frayed, the message not blurred

 

Heads are bowed but the prayers are for those here

Wide eyes tell stories long since past my own fears

 

Lips crack but there’s still no sound, I lean in though

A tear forms, and the quiet pause is all I need to know

 

Somewhere in the depths of blue, there’s a boy free

I would bring him back if it were only up to me

 

Connections are hard to make in this space, but we try

There’s sadness, and hurt, but there’s love in those eyes

 

Senses thrive when the focus narrows to just the one

Time expires today but I know our time’s never really done

 

I stare but I get lost in the visions where they used to be

I linger in hopes that progress has come down to me

 

Gentle like the sun’s arc rising to start each new day

A grin lights those eyes and for now, it’s all okay

 

I get up to leave, he stays, and he wonders why oh why

Away, but never gone, I sit too, I ponder, and I cry

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